Welcome to June’s edition of “Who’s actually trying? (and who’s just here for early draft picks?)”—your monthly HumBabe Dynasty Fantasy Baseball League recap. First, we award our third of six 2025 Pick-Em Payouts—Congratulations LeBronto Blue James—our third winner in just as many months! The American League East has got nothing on our Pick-Em Payout’s competitive parody! Second, Third, and Fourth, we dive into Standings Salsas, another reminder that we made relief pitchers more valuable, and a draft race that looks more like a synchronized belly flop contest…

Team Tango: Who’s Cha-Cha-Charging Forward?

The Coastal Splitters remembered they’re supposed to be good and went 3-1 in June, casually leading the league in points over that span. Then they swapped two healthy starting pitchers (Kevin Gausman, Emerson Hancock) for one injured one and a lottery ticket (Jackson Jobe, Jarlin Susana). Master strategy or mid-season panic? Either way, June put the Charlie Division back in Splitter hands (… then Nashville went and tripped them up in the first week of July, giving the division lead back to the Perth Platypi… for now.)

• SPLT: 3-1 in June, 1st in Points Scored
• PER: 1-3, 8th in Points Scored

In the Ruth Division, LeBronto and the Brooklyn Robins are locked in a standoff tighter than the lid on a pickle jar. Both had excellent June’s and both are probably stalking each other’s lineup daily.

• LBJ: 3-1 in June, 3rd in Points Scored
• BKN: 3-1, 4th in Points Scored

Pablo and the Secret Weapons are still quietly lurking behind Wally Mash—3 wins in June puts them just one game back in the Vic Division standings. They scored the 6th most points over the past month, which is basically the best if you squint hard enough and ignore the top five.

Stat Stars: Sluggers & Save Machines

Juan Soto led the Coastal Splitter surge with 206 points, while the Big Dumper (Cal Raleigh) tallied 198.5 for the LeBronto Blue James and probably wrote a TRADE CHIP on the forehead of 4-time Futures Game player and Mariners top-prospect, Harry Ford. Ketel Marte (189 pts) and Aaron Judge (186 pts) posted the third and fourth best point totals, while a long awaited coming out party for Jo Adell (179 pts) rounded out the top five.

On the mound, Zack Wheeler and Tarik Skubal were dealing as if June determined who wins the Cy Young Award (25+pts/G each), but Josh Hader said “hold my beer, and don’t forget about your bullpens” while posting 11 Saves, 4 Wins, and the 2nd (to Garrett Crochet) most pitching points this month. Yes, a reliever outscored your ace. Again.

Winning By Losing

The 2025 First Year Player Draft is almost here (finally), and the Galactic Crusaders are sprinting backwards toward the #1 pick with the grace of Salvador Perez legging out a triple. They’ve also got London’s pick, thanks to a preseason Tony Gonsolin trade, which is shaping up to be in the #5 to #7 range—two lottery picks ain’t a bad rebuilding strategy.

But the real drama? The Golden City Gatekeepers and the Florida Squeeze face off in the final week before the draft. The winner gets the #3 pick; the loser gets #2. Expect strategic benchings…or maybe just forgetten lineups.

The Commissioner has already launched the live Draft Board despite not knowing who the Nationals will pick at 1.1 a week from now. He’s traded shuteye for spreadsheets and late-night graphic design. Hope you like draft windows at 2 a.m. in your time zone—prepare for GroupMe notifications as soon as it’s your turn to pick and probably at least one LeBronto Blue James message informing someone they just “REEEEAAACHED” for the player they picked.